Top 10 Reasons We Haven't Had Results:
In ascending order:
10. We have been transported to a simultaneous, parallel, alternate universe where there is no such thing as quarter one. Sorry.
9. George Bush. Somehow I just know
he has something to do with this.
8. Folie a Mille. We are all victims of a collective hallucination caused by a combination of pollution, pesticides, nuclear radiation, tv commercials, reality shows, octomom, snuggles...
7. Our dear judge has been abducted by the Grays and replaced with an evil clone bent on destroying the world, starting with the people who influence the future of world thinking: entrants to the WOTF.
6. We are all actually artificial intelligences trapped in an endless loop computer program and are being tested to see how long we can wait before we are driven insane.
5. Incredibly, the finalists have already been chosen and the winners have won, but the administrators are refusing to release the results because first place went to Hal, that computer that kicked Ken Jenning's ass on Jeopardy, second place went to Coco, the Talking Gorilla and third place went to, yeah, you guessed it...George Bush.
4. Joni forgot. She just plain forgot. She is busy after all.
3. The stories were all so bad, so horribly bad, that our poor dear judge suffered an emotional breakdown and had to be sedated and placed under psychiatric care.
2. The stories were all so good, so incredibly fantastic, that our poor dear judge suffered an emotional breakdown and had to be sedated and placed under psychiatric care. Can you believe he wanted to give everybody a tie for first place? It could happen.
1. And the number one reason why we haven't had results? I just don't know! Maybe God/Universe has decided that our dear former judge was just so darn good, that He needed her to judge other equally (if not more) important contests in other places, and He had to replace her. I'm sure our new judge is hard at work and we will hear results as soon as he finishes. While I'd like to hear results asap, I would rather know that my upcoming rejection (please, no! let me back up), my upcoming finalist was not rushed, and that I truly deserved it.
Here's to next...gulp...Thursday. Yeah, I said it!
Best of luck all...as I said more than a month ago...It can't be much longer now. Right? Right?
(HM x 2)