Story Critique
Story Critique
I've got a less than 3K first draft I'd like to critique swap. This story is something different for me, and I'm not sure it works at all. I need someone who doesn't mind being honest (I've got a thick pelt, so no worries).
I'll crit anything up to contest length. (Be aware that due to some real life drama this week, I may not be able to get a critique for a longer-than-flash story back to you until after the weekend.)
Last note: I'm throwing this one into the Hatrack trigger challenge. If you're participating in this quarter's trigger challenge, you can't crit this story as it would damage my anonymity.
PM me, please.
Thanks!
I'll crit anything up to contest length. (Be aware that due to some real life drama this week, I may not be able to get a critique for a longer-than-flash story back to you until after the weekend.)
Last note: I'm throwing this one into the Hatrack trigger challenge. If you're participating in this quarter's trigger challenge, you can't crit this story as it would damage my anonymity.
PM me, please.
Thanks!
Last edited by Strycher on Wed May 16, 2012 12:16 pm, edited 3 times in total.
- Dustin Adams
- Posts: 1940
- Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2011 8:47 am
- Location: IN MY HOUSE!
- Contact:
Re: Flashish
Bwa ha ha, I know how many words yours is.
Don't say anything else tho as I'm totally in that contest.
D
Don't say anything else tho as I'm totally in that contest.

D
2x Finalist
2x Semi
4x Silver
9x HM
Eight EDF stories. 1 of 3 DSF: Short Stories. My Finalist #1 Finalist #2 coming soon
2x Semi
4x Silver
9x HM
Eight EDF stories. 1 of 3 DSF: Short Stories. My Finalist #1 Finalist #2 coming soon
Re:
Dustin Adams wrote:Bwa ha ha, I know how many words yours is.
Don't say anything else tho as I'm totally in that contest.![]()
D
Your face.

- Rebecca Birch
- Posts: 1735
- Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 9:38 am
- Location: Washington (state)
- Contact:
Re: Story Critique
I have to admit, although I've heard the term Hatrack many times, I'd never really looked into it. Have done so now and have registered. If I can write fast enough, I may get something in for this as well. (Sorry, that means I can't crit this!)
Rebecca Birch
Finalist - 2, SF - 1, SHM - 1, HM - 18, R - 6
Words of Birch
Short Story Collection--Life Out of Harmony and Other Tales of Wonder
Finalist - 2, SF - 1, SHM - 1, HM - 18, R - 6
Words of Birch
Short Story Collection--Life Out of Harmony and Other Tales of Wonder
- Dustin Adams
- Posts: 1940
- Joined: Thu Oct 27, 2011 8:47 am
- Location: IN MY HOUSE!
- Contact:
Re: Story Critique
What's funny is for last year's contest I came in... 4th place.
I'm sending that story to On The Premesis for their #17 - humor
I doubt I'll come in 4th over there tho.
D
I'm sending that story to On The Premesis for their #17 - humor
I doubt I'll come in 4th over there tho.

D
2x Finalist
2x Semi
4x Silver
9x HM
Eight EDF stories. 1 of 3 DSF: Short Stories. My Finalist #1 Finalist #2 coming soon
2x Semi
4x Silver
9x HM
Eight EDF stories. 1 of 3 DSF: Short Stories. My Finalist #1 Finalist #2 coming soon
Re: Story Critique
I'm interested in a swap, Krystal. Hope to have my story done after the weekend.
Jeanette Gonzalez
HM x4, SHM x2, F x1
HM x4, SHM x2, F x1
Re: Story Critique
morshana wrote:I'm interested in a swap, Krystal. Hope to have my story done after the weekend.
Okee, e-mail me whenever you're ready.

Re: Story Critique
Really? Only three people have stories they'd like critiqued?
Again, I'm offering to critique a story of up to 17,000 words in exchange for a critique of a story that's less than 3,000 words. I get good feedback from people--typically my critiques are helpful.
I think that's the smallest turn out I've had so far on this forum. I guess we're too far out from Q3 for most people planning to submit near the deadline, and too far in for the early submitters. =/
Again, I'm offering to critique a story of up to 17,000 words in exchange for a critique of a story that's less than 3,000 words. I get good feedback from people--typically my critiques are helpful.
I think that's the smallest turn out I've had so far on this forum. I guess we're too far out from Q3 for most people planning to submit near the deadline, and too far in for the early submitters. =/
- Martin L. Shoemaker
- Posts: 4290
- Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 7:20 am
- Location: Michigan (more or less)
- Contact:
Re: Story Critique
Strycher wrote:I think that's the smallest turn out I've had so far on this forum. I guess we're too far out from Q3 for most people planning to submit near the deadline, and too far in for the early submitters. =/
Way, way, way too far in for some of us. About 45 days, Duotrope tells me...
http://Shoemaker.Space
Other worlds from award-winning author Martin L. Shoemaker
WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE!
SUBMIT! SUBMIT! SUBMIT! SUBMIT! SUBMIT!
REPEAT! REPEAT! REPEAT! REPEAT! REPEAT!
Patience. Patience. Patience. Patience. Patience.
NNiNN
Other worlds from award-winning author Martin L. Shoemaker
WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE!
SUBMIT! SUBMIT! SUBMIT! SUBMIT! SUBMIT!
REPEAT! REPEAT! REPEAT! REPEAT! REPEAT!
Patience. Patience. Patience. Patience. Patience.
NNiNN
Re: Story Critique
Martin L. Shoemaker wrote:Strycher wrote:I think that's the smallest turn out I've had so far on this forum. I guess we're too far out from Q3 for most people planning to submit near the deadline, and too far in for the early submitters. =/
Way, way, way too far in for some of us. About 45 days, Duotrope tells me...
Yes. I know. I thought maybe some people would be prepping for Q4 or have projects for other markets I could trade for.

Re: Story Critique
Hey Krystal, I just saw this. I'd be happy to trade. You can either crit the first chapter of my novel or the buckets of flash I keep producing to avoid finishing my Q3. I'll send you an email later tonight.
Re: Story Critique
gower21 wrote:Hey Krystal, I just saw this. I'd be happy to trade. You can either crit the first chapter of my novel or the buckets of flash I keep producing to avoid finishing my Q3. I'll send you an email later tonight.
I have replied to this e-mail!
Re: Story Critique
I think I'll take you up on this. I've got a flash story that got a personal rejection from Flash Fiction Online but hasn't had much luck since. Be nice to get another pair of eyes on it.
Re: Story Critique
I'm not going to be able to finish this week, Krystal.
I should be doing other stuff right now, like packing, but thought I'd catch up on the forum.
My grandfather passed away over the weekend and I will be busy with funeral-related stuff much of this week. I probably won't be getting back to my Q3 story until next week. I'll ping you when I've finished it.
I should be doing other stuff right now, like packing, but thought I'd catch up on the forum.
My grandfather passed away over the weekend and I will be busy with funeral-related stuff much of this week. I probably won't be getting back to my Q3 story until next week. I'll ping you when I've finished it.
Jeanette Gonzalez
HM x4, SHM x2, F x1
HM x4, SHM x2, F x1
- Martin L. Shoemaker
- Posts: 4290
- Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 7:20 am
- Location: Michigan (more or less)
- Contact:
Re: Story Critique
morshana wrote:I'm not going to be able to finish this week, Krystal.
I should be doing other stuff right now, like packing, but thought I'd catch up on the forum.
My grandfather passed away over the weekend and I will be busy with funeral-related stuff much of this week. I probably won't be getting back to my Q3 story until next week. I'll ping you when I've finished it.
I'm so sorry, Jeanette. Go take care of family. Hug them. We'll be here when you need us.
http://Shoemaker.Space
Other worlds from award-winning author Martin L. Shoemaker
WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE!
SUBMIT! SUBMIT! SUBMIT! SUBMIT! SUBMIT!
REPEAT! REPEAT! REPEAT! REPEAT! REPEAT!
Patience. Patience. Patience. Patience. Patience.
NNiNN
Other worlds from award-winning author Martin L. Shoemaker
WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE! WRITE!
SUBMIT! SUBMIT! SUBMIT! SUBMIT! SUBMIT!
REPEAT! REPEAT! REPEAT! REPEAT! REPEAT!
Patience. Patience. Patience. Patience. Patience.
NNiNN
Re: Story Critique
morshana wrote:I'm not going to be able to finish this week, Krystal.
I should be doing other stuff right now, like packing, but thought I'd catch up on the forum.
My grandfather passed away over the weekend and I will be busy with funeral-related stuff much of this week. I probably won't be getting back to my Q3 story until next week. I'll ping you when I've finished it.
I'm sorry for your loss. Don't worry about the crit swap. Just let me know if you need a set of eyes whenever you have time.
Re: Story Critique
Thanks, Martin. I really appreciate it.
And thanks, Krystal.
I'm doing well. Just so much going on right now, including my grandfather's passing. It didn't come as a surprise, as he's been unwell for years now, but it's still saddening.
Off to finish my packing now. Take care everyone.
And thanks, Krystal.
I'm doing well. Just so much going on right now, including my grandfather's passing. It didn't come as a surprise, as he's been unwell for years now, but it's still saddening.
Off to finish my packing now. Take care everyone.
Jeanette Gonzalez
HM x4, SHM x2, F x1
HM x4, SHM x2, F x1
Re: Story Critique
Sorry to hear your news Jeanette. Please take care.
Strycher - I have a 3.5K story I can swap with you if you are still interested? How soon do you want the crit/what is the usual turn-around on these things?
Strycher - I have a 3.5K story I can swap with you if you are still interested? How soon do you want the crit/what is the usual turn-around on these things?
---------------------------
Call me - "klevang" - my login if registration issues get fixed.
Volume 33: Q2 - R ,Q3 - SHM
The "real" Ember is a good friend and let me borrow her account, she won with "Half Past" in Vol. 31
Call me - "klevang" - my login if registration issues get fixed.
Volume 33: Q2 - R ,Q3 - SHM
The "real" Ember is a good friend and let me borrow her account, she won with "Half Past" in Vol. 31
Re: Story Critique
I'm ready to take your story Krystal. I have to make another quick pass through mine and then I can send it on its way.
Jeanette Gonzalez
HM x4, SHM x2, F x1
HM x4, SHM x2, F x1
Re: Story Critique
morshana wrote:I'm ready to take your story Krystal. I have to make another quick pass through mine and then I can send it on its way.


Re: Story Critique
Strycher wrote:morshana wrote:I'm ready to take your story Krystal. I have to make another quick pass through mine and then I can send it on its way.
![]()
Yeeeah. I'm making some revisions. Why don't you e-mail me when you get done and I'll try to get mine to you next week?
lol Sounds good.

Jeanette Gonzalez
HM x4, SHM x2, F x1
HM x4, SHM x2, F x1
Re: Story Critique
If there's anyone whose story I was supposed to critique, but haven't--speak now or forever hold your peace.
Thanks to all who helped me out with this one. I tied for second place in the Hatrack Trigger Challenge, so that was cool.
Thanks to all who helped me out with this one. I tied for second place in the Hatrack Trigger Challenge, so that was cool.

Re: Story Critique
Strycher wrote:If there's anyone whose story I was supposed to critique, but haven't--speak now or forever hold your peace.
Thanks to all who helped me out with this one. I tied for second place in the Hatrack Trigger Challenge, so that was cool.
Awesome!

Jeanette Gonzalez
HM x4, SHM x2, F x1
HM x4, SHM x2, F x1
- Rebecca Birch
- Posts: 1735
- Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 9:38 am
- Location: Washington (state)
- Contact:
Re: Story Critique
It was a great story! I hope it finds a happy home. 

Rebecca Birch
Finalist - 2, SF - 1, SHM - 1, HM - 18, R - 6
Words of Birch
Short Story Collection--Life Out of Harmony and Other Tales of Wonder
Finalist - 2, SF - 1, SHM - 1, HM - 18, R - 6
Words of Birch
Short Story Collection--Life Out of Harmony and Other Tales of Wonder
Re: Story Critique
morshana wrote:Awesome!
Thanks!
Rebecca Birch wrote:It was a great story! I hope it finds a happy home.
Yours too. I didn't want to say anything, because I didn't want to offend the Hatrackers, but I was really surprised that your story didn't win. After I read it I was like, "Oh crap. This one's got me beat." Let us know when you place it.
- Rebecca Birch
- Posts: 1735
- Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2011 9:38 am
- Location: Washington (state)
- Contact:
Re: Story Critique
Strycher wrote:Rebecca Birch wrote:It was a great story! I hope it finds a happy home.
Yours too. I didn't want to say anything, because I didn't want to offend the Hatrackers, but I was really surprised that your story didn't win. After I read it I was like, "Oh crap. This one's got me beat." Let us know when you place it.
Thanks, Krystal. I'm glad you liked it! It has made its way out into the ether, so the merry-go-round has begun.

Rebecca Birch
Finalist - 2, SF - 1, SHM - 1, HM - 18, R - 6
Words of Birch
Short Story Collection--Life Out of Harmony and Other Tales of Wonder
Finalist - 2, SF - 1, SHM - 1, HM - 18, R - 6
Words of Birch
Short Story Collection--Life Out of Harmony and Other Tales of Wonder
Re: Story Critique
Strycher wrote:
Thanks to all who helped me out with this one. I tied for second place in the Hatrack Trigger Challenge, so that was cool.
Congrats Krystal!! I loved that story!
-
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Re: Story Critique
Congratulations, Krystal!
George Nikolopoulos
WOTF: 1 SF, 1 SHM, 4 HM
Fiction (EN): 43 stories sold, 29 published
Fiction (GR): c.10 stories published & a children’s novel
Amazon Page
WOTF: 1 SF, 1 SHM, 4 HM
Fiction (EN): 43 stories sold, 29 published
Fiction (GR): c.10 stories published & a children’s novel
Amazon Page
Re: Story Critique
Thanks guys! I've completely given up on keeping up with Critters. I get better critiques on this forum. Faster too.
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