Critique needed for 3800 word story

[WriteToLive]

Okay, I recently heavily revised a story and I need feedback. (story's at 3800 words)

It's looking like this story will end up being my WotF entry for Q3 as I can't finish the project story in time.

PM me with your e-mail if you're interested. I am willing to critique up to 8000 words (any more and I may not get to it in a timely manor, so it woudln't be fair to the one requesting it).