In need of a critique

[Apollo]

Hi,

I could use some fresh eyes and critiques on my WOTF story. I got a rejection and I would like to figure out how to improve it. If I can rework my story into something better, I will submit it to a future quarter. I need to figure out where I am going wrong in my writing.

Thanks,
Apollo.

[RSchibler]

Anytime. Send me a PM

[PenMark]

I'm sure RSchibler is able to provide better feedback than I can, but if you would like a second perspective then I'd be happy to do my best. Just send me a PM. :)

[nreavis]

I am also willing to take a look. Send me a PM :)

[Apollo]

Thanks for all the responses! I really appreciate the critiques. I sent you all PM's. Since my brain is shutting down, I'll follow up tomorrow and send my story.

[Dustin Adams]

I'll look at the first two pages and give my thoughts. Chances are that's where the R took place. Unless you wrote 80 pages, then it took place on page 10.

PM me.

[Ania]

Hey, Apollo! I would also love to help!

[SCAFontaine]

I'll take a look too. :) Won't be able to get back to you until end of next week though.

[BlackInk]

I'd be happy to offer my eyes as well.