Pumpkin wrote:Corbin Maxwell wrote:Post an example so we can see the problem better.
This is a particularly bad case:
They walked through the town in the dim afternoon light. Grass filled the cracks in the asphalt and spilt into windows and doorways. Old vehicles sank deep between dark nettles, and a bicycle plaited itself into the ivy. On either side, houses stood in various states of decay, some roofs long collapsed beneath brambles and weeds. Through broken windows, pockets of rooms lay untouched: rectangular tables made from wood, flatscreen television sets, and moulding sofas, losing all colour under coats of dust.
There, everything blu d together in a pallet of abandonment. Road and not-road were purely technicalities; a footnote of well-actuallies.
If I rewrite your paragraph it doesn't really teach you very much. Read the books I suggested above. Read, Read, Read, Read! Find a writer or two whom you would like to mimic in writing style. Decide how you want to write. It's a process. Learn to look at your sentences. Learn to work on writing a sentence and a paragraph at a time.
They entered the outskirts of town across which fell the failing light of sunset. The shops and gas stations along the high-street were lost in the bronze glow spilling out of the horizon. They shaded their eyes to see what of the town lay before them. Houses in decay. Old cars overtaken by weeds and rust. A bicycle wrapped in ivy. And what remained of the houses' windows gave apocalyptic views into living rooms and dining chambers where the wooden tables yet stood their ground among the flatscreen televisions and sofas long gone to mold and buried in thick coats of dust. At a building that might have once served for a city hall the parking lot was empty as if no car had parked there in decades. Cracks stretched through the blacktop and severed the parking-space lines. And through these fissures grew high blades of grass deeply green and healthy and perhaps the only thriving life in this failed town.